I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good.
I’ve been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn’t notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favourite meal and even wore a brand new negligee.
You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don’t tell me you love me anymore, you don’t touch me or anything.
Either you’re cheating or you don’t love me anymore, whatever the case is, I’m gone.
P.S. If you’re trying to find me, don’t. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together!
Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife
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Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been.
I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn’t work.
I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was “You look just like a man!” My mother raised me to not say anything if you can’t say anything nice.
When you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.
So when I discovered that I Had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won’t get a dime from me.
So take care.
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that’s not a problem.
1.You look like you are 18. 你看起来好像才18岁(东方人普遍看起来年轻, 呵呵)
2.You like to eat chicken feet. 你喜欢吃鸡脚
3.You suck on fish heads and fish fins.你吃鱼时会吸鱼头和鱼鳍(他们都是直接切掉的)
4.You have a Chinese knick-knack hanging on your rear view mirror.
你的车子后视镜上会吊中国摆设(偶没有, 老爸不让, 说一看就是中国人, 俗, 郁闷)
5.You sing karaoke. 你唱KTV(唐人街才有的玩意儿)
6.Your house is covered with tile.你的房子铺的是瓷砖(老外都是木板)
7.Your kitchen is covered by a sticky film of
grease.你的厨房覆盖着一层厚厚的油脂(爱炒东西的缘故)
8.Your stove is covered with aluminum foil. 你的炉子上面有铝箔
9.You leave the plastic covers on your remote control.
你的遥控器外面包着塑料(发现真的只有中国人才这样)
10.You\’ve never kissed your mom or dad. 你从没吻过你父母(中国人谁这样啊)
11.You’ve never hugged your mom or dad. 你从没抱过你父母(幼儿园时算不算?)
12.Your unassisted vision is worse than 20/500.
你的视觉想象力低于20/500(不知啥意思)
13.You wear contacts,to avoid wearing your \”coke bottle glasses\”. 你戴隐形眼镜,
这样才能避免戴你的”瓶底眼镜”(怎么说得中国人好像都近视? 偶就不怎么戴眼镜, 不过也近视两三百了, 呵呵)
14.You’ve worn glasses since you were in fifth grade. 你五年级开始就戴眼镜了.
(中国人都是爱学习的好孩子… 怎么又跟眼镜有关?) Read more…
